There was once a girl named Emily who lived deep in the Heart of Dixie. Like most folks who lived in the south, Emily was fully involved with her local church from a young age. All through out Emily’s life she faithfully attended her church and made it a point to be at every service and event. One rainy winter night when Emily was 23 years old she came home from a church service and committed suicide. Needless to say, everyone was shocked, some hurt, some angered, and many confused. Some said that the devil had convinced her to do it. Others blamed it on mentally instability. Others were simply confused. Worst of all were Emily’s parents, who were devastated by their daughters death. A few weeks after Emily’s funeral her mother began to go through her belongings. Underneath Emily’s bed was a box full of journal’s which documented everyday from when Emily was 12 years old to the day she committed suicide. Her mother wept as she sat hour after hour reading through the life and inner thoughts of her daughters’ journals.



“ August 9th, 2001 - 3:30 pm



Tonight will be my first night in our youth group! I am finally old enough! I am so so excited! Hope everyone likes me :) More later.

Same day 9:45 pm

Tonight went o.k. Everyone at church has always seemed to belong there and get along so well. I mean, I have been going my whole life and I still feel out of place. I have tried so many times to be friends with Erin and Melissa but I always feel left out. I’m sure they didn’t mean too…. I am sure it was just tonight. Next week will be better! Night journal!!” (age 13)

Unfortunately, it didn’t get better. Year after year Emily journaled her deep need to ‘belong’ and her continual feelings of rejection, neglect, and worthlessness. Her mother wept as she read another entry:

“May 7th, 2005

I have prayed so much the past 2 years of my life. Most of the time I don’t hear God or feel His presence. I often wonder if He is real. And if He is real….where is He? I still feel so ‘out of the loop’. Everyone at church, school, and even in my family seem to ‘belong’ to one another. I still….after so many years… just don’t feel that I really belong to anyone or anything. I don’t have any gifts. I can’t sing and most guys don’t really pay me much attention. Not trying to be a cry baby….but I am so sad. I feel lonely, my faith feels weak and I don’t really feel that I belong to anyone. God please help me.” (age 18)

　

Page after page, journal after journal, year after year of precious Emily chronicling her deep need to belong to something or someone. There were few pages where people outright mistreated her and even fewer pages where people gossiped about her or maliciously spoke against her. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a single page dedicated to were someone spoke a kind word to her, complimented her attire, or even told her individually how much God loved her. Another entry furthered her mother‘s broken heart…

“July 12th, 2007



I have been contemplating suicide. I have always been so annoyed with people who are attention seekers…but on a deep level, I am beginning to understand it. Few people mistreat me. But really….no one really notices me. I am invisible. My life doesn‘t seem to have much purpose. Especially now that I have graduated High School. I go to my same stupid job everyday and do the same pointless task for no good reason. Truth be told….I am worthless. I am not gifted. I am not productive. I am not even attractive. God doesn’t hear me, my church could care less about me, and my family seems pretty absorbed in their own lives. I want to die. But more then that….I just want somebody to love me. I just want to belong.” (age 20)

　

Emily’s mother put down the journals and sobbed. Why didn’t she pay her daughter more attention? Why didn’t people notice her? Why didn’t God save her? Where was God in Emily’s life? Where is God when an innocent life feels rejected for no good reason? So many burning questions without answers.

Days passed and Emily’s mother mustered up the courage to read her daughters final journal.

“October 13, 2010

I am convinced that if God is real then he must have favorites. He cares more for the gifted then He does the ordinary. I have tried for so long to care for, or at least love people in my own way….regardless of how measly it may have been. I have at least tried. I don’t have any great talents. And for that I feel like no one really cares about me. I am alone and there isn‘t much I have to offer this world or the church.” (age 23)

And then Emily’s last entry ever written just a few weeks later…

“November 3, 2010

Tomorrow night if God does not speak to me or through someone then after church I am going to end my life. If anyone reads this (especially Mom) please know that this wasn’t your fault. Truth is, my life doesn’t benefit anyone. I have lived this life with high hopes but only to find that the gifted are more recognized, the attractive most liked, and the world is not so much a cruel place as it is an uncaring place. I had hoped the church would comfort my loneliness, I had hoped that God would help me, but who am I kidding….I can’t even help me? Goodbye to my family, goodbye to my church, and goodbye precious journal. You have been my dearest friend.
 -Emily”

　-

Did this story actually happen? It doesn’t matter, because truth be known, this story is happening. Where was God in Emily’s life? Did He notice Emily? Was Emily right when she wrote, “The gifted are more recognized, the attractive most liked, and the world is an uncaring place”? The answer is yes, the world is that way. But it should not be so within The Church. 1 John says, “No one has seen God at anytime…Therefore, Love one another (paraphrase).” What is being said here? These two verses are married together because when we love one another, when we take notice of one another, serve one another, spend time with one another,  pray for one another, or even listen to one another's petty issues, then we are revealing God. No one has seen God at anytime, but when we love one another we open up each others eyes to seeing God! An act of love is an act of God, for we know that no one can love unless he is of God. Therefore, where there is love, there also is God.

Emily, just like so many others, longed to belong. Neither the world nor the church considered her special or talented. In other words, there wasn’t much sweet Emily had to offer those around her. Or so it seemed. The Body of Christ (aka the Church) is to be a place where the sins of the world are concentrated on in order that they be dealt with and healed. Emily needed a place to belong and a place to see her the way Abba Father saw her. She needed to be loved despite the ‘worth’ she could offer. She needed to be cared for regardless of the gifts and abilities she had. A single word of encouragement could have saved her life. A single act of love could have healed her brokenness. A single person could have taken time to befriend her, let her know she belonged. Such a simple act could have opened Emily’s eyes to the incarnate love of God. After all, isn’t that what each of us long to see, touch, and experience - God in human form. (Christ)

In the eyes of humanity, what an individual has to offer (gifts, abilities) determines their worth. This is not so with Abba Father. You are not loved based on what you can ‘offer’ God. Your worth in heaven is not determined by your physical beauty, artistic ability, or brilliance of mind. God does not call for a great sacrifice of gifts. He calls for an obedient life. When our naked souls are stripped bare in eternity, when all of our pretenses are lowered, and all our defense mechanisms disarmed, there will be but one question that the Father asks us, “Child, did you learn how to love?” “Did you learn how to love without gaining reward?” “Did you learn how to love when you got nothing in return?” “Did you learn how to love those that society deemed lesser. Those that were not beautiful or intriguing or gifted?” “Child, did you learn how to love?”

The church is to be a community (root word ‘Commune”) rooted in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Our community revolves around communion with Christ and one another. The church is to be a place where you and I, and folks like Emily, can ‘See God’ and ‘belong.’ It is a place where love is given despite reciprocation. It is a place where God is present among us, His glory revealed in the Body of His Son, Christ. It is the Salt of the Earth, a City set on a Hill, a home for orphans, widows, and the outcast. It is a place where Truth prevails.

However, the Church is not to be a breeding ground for competition. It is not to be a place where ‘talent’ ‘giftedness’ and ‘ability’ determine an individuals worth or honor. It is not a place where maturity is based on being captivating or sensational. It is not a place where human excellence is the standard. It is not a place that sets any criteria on the individual outside of the one which Jesus established. It is not a place of seclusion. It is a temple of grace, truth, love, and inclusion.

As a community of ‘Little Christ’s’ we ought to be rid of the ‘tax collector’ spirit. Jesus once said, “If you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even sinners and tax collectors do the same?” It is easy to love those that love us! The real question is, are we loving the ‘Emily’s’ in our Church? Are we producing ‘Emily’s’ or healing them? Ask yourself, “Do I only love those that love me back?” “Am I clique-ish?” “Do I treat people more honorably based on their giftedness or what they have to offer me?” Your life is your answer.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. 

 
     -Josh and Jessica